The Zen Bullet

I'm sitting in the house I grew up in. In the state I grew up in. Everything is different. I'm different. The pace down here is so slow compared to what I'm used to. What I've learned to be used to. I owe the adult I've become to this place, but somehow I feel like an outsider here. There are obvious stares and comments based on my appearance, much more so than in Philadelphia; but that's not what I mean.

I feel very lost here. Lately I've been feeling very lost everywhere.

I'm thirty four years old. Married to a wife I haven't seen in three years but who won't divorce me. In love with a girl who chose to not be in love with me anymore; who chose heartbreak over happily ever after. Constantly making a scar on my face to help cover the scar on my heart. Constantly trying to convince the people who love me that sure, yeah, I'm alright.

I'm tired. I've logged a million miles and a million lives since I left this place. The life I have now is so much more than I ever thought it would be, sleeping in this house all those years back. I've lived adventures that I could have never dreamed of back then.

But here I am now, just like always, an island unto myself.